Hiking, tigers and car theft rings. Oh my

I dreamt I was hiking with a friend by accident - a trail called Hike the Rails.  We'd stopped at a tiny rest area to stretch our legs and while we were in the bathroom, someone stole our car.  We waited for hours at the side of the rural road but no one else drove by so eventually we began walking a wide clearly marked trail that passed through the rest area and led deeper into the woods.

We walked till nightfall before I finally regained phone service and could map our location; we were on a cross country hiking trail that followed old railway beds.  The closest marked highway was 50 miles away.  We were unprepared but many people were walking the trails and we were able to cobble together a tent, sleeping bags, and a small amount of food. 

The forest service came through to check for our permit and, as we hadn't planned this trip, we didn't have one.  My sister appeared and paid the forest service agent to fake the paperwork.  My sister insisted we not mention the theft; after he left I argued with her, frustrated that we hadn't asked for his help.  But my sister said there was a larger conspiracy at work and the agency couldn't be trusted.

Abruptly I was in a friend's living room.  She had a miniature pet tiger confined by an invisible fence in the corner.  The tiger was nearly sentient and very well trained but everyone warned her it was still wild and would turn on her or her other pets without warning.  She often sat on a couch nearby with her legs stretched into the tiger's space, and allowed him to rest his tiger head on her ankles.

The other pets - two dogs and a cat - were constantly trying to get at the tiger behind the fence.  Initially the barrier was an invisible noise fence that deterred animals as they neared the boundary.  This kept the tiger confined but the other pets simply jumped through it, willing to endure the momentary discomfort in order to reach their target.

Next she put up an invisible electric fence that dispensed a pwoerful shock if you crossed the set lines.  This worked on both the tiger and domestic cat but the dogs persisted. 

I was constantly anxious that the tiger would eat one of the dogs or bite on my friends' feet.  Once the tiger yawned, a slow back tilting of the head that revealed massive shiny white jaws.  I panicked as its head came down, jaws wide, but at the last minute the tiger closed his mouth, licked my friend's feet once and settled back in to nap.

I walked out the door of her house, and into the parking lot where my car had disappeared.  It was now a giant parking lot outside a mega box store and the police were questioning me.  Apparently there had been a string of car thefts from this lot, that resulted in thousands of families stranded all across the country.  This was why I'd encountered so many families while hiking.  It had appeared literally like a migration. 

Ex sex without the sex

I was working as a nanny and I had the night off, which was very unusual - in my dream life as in real life I worked many hours at my job.  My science experiments do need a lot of babysitting so maybe the distinction between child care and biology research isn't as sharp as one might think.

It was the end of my shift and I was getting set to board the elevator that served as the door to the penthouse - my employer's lifestyle was opulent, to say the least.  The door opened and my last long term boyfriend stepped out, pushing a rack of mens' suits.  He had just flown in on business from Toronto, and wanted to know if I was free for dinner.

I have not dated men in any serious way since meeting my first girlfriend 15 years ago, so our relationship was literally in different decade.  In my dream I was still married but separated from my wife.

We went back to my place to change.  I shared a renovated very open floor plan 70s-era two bedroom apartment with my sister, who was in the living room virtual-snowboarding on the X Box when we arrived.  We chatted with her while I scoured the hall closet for an outfit.  My ex came up behind me, spooning me upright.  I leaned into him.  Sighed. 

I remembered suddenly that we had another roommate.  "When is mom due home from work?" I asked my sister.  She told me 430.  I checked my phone: 438.  Not enough time. 

I woke up.  Looked in urban dictionary for "c-blocked by your dream mom".  Found nothing. There *was* an interesting thread trying to decide on a female equivalent for b-balled.  No one had proposed the term I heard from a friend in grad school: t-walled.  Hilarious.

When I stopped dating men I was 27.  I knew virtually nothing about women as erotic partners, aside from the years I had spent in my own body.

As an aside, I find the common* straight male assumption that women have a "home field advantage" in lesbian interactions just a little annoying.  It's not that I can't see the value of knowing the terrain; but these same straight men never mention their own hypothetical home field advantage as a plus should they ever suddenly wake up gay one morning.

(*this statement is not based on a blinded, controlled scientific study but on hundreds of datapoints collected from dozens of straight men in too-many-to-count conversations between the ages of 19 and 40.... but if I had ever bothered to track the numbers, I would bet it is at least statistically significant.)

The dream felt curiously healing.  I stood for a few minutes in front of the mirror and realized that today I don't hate my body.

It's 824 am.  Sunday.  Time to go babysit the science experiments.  In the afternoon I'll be dancing with one of my favourite leads.  His partner is a great lead too.  I think I'll wear something nice.  Something I might wear to dinner, if I was trying to seduce my ex.