Our top story this morning

Usually, first thing in the morning, my dreams, insights, worries, and tasks for the day, come tumbling at me all at once.  Lately - for the last several nights at least - I've seen a news gazette in my head right before waking.  Today it was a short two page insert, soft grey border and pale orange background, with gothic script for the title, and the headline: "Buy Longer Shoelaces"