Eggs, bacon and DUI

I went to see Ira Glass and Dan Savage in a DJ-off at the Showbox last night.  Dan was chill in jeans, t-shirt.  Ira wore a Beetles-era suit and danced around like a five year old on steroids, utterly winning the crowd over with his energy and innocence.  He pulled the mainly female audience onstage to dance,  tango'd with Dan Savage, conducted the mosh pit and crowd surfed.  Twice.

I may not have been 100% sober on the drive home which, as I'm a child of the MADD era, always engenders guilt, even if I'd have most definitely passed the sobriety test.

In my dream, I drove a converted city party bus through the snowy streets of Philadelphia.  I had twelve fairly intoxicated and animated passengers.  Going uphill through a residential neighborhood at about 60 mph, I hit two pedestrians.  It took forever to stop the bus and then it rolled back to the bottom of the hill where the cops were waiting.  I opened the doors.  An officer motioned me outside and handed me a plastic tube I assumed was a breathalyzer.

"I have never taken one of these," I said.  "What do I do?"

The officer told me to bite the top and leave my saliva on the strip.  It was a DNA test.

"May I ask how things are going up the road?"

"Not good," the officer responded.

My eyes welled up with tears and my voice was unsteady, "Are they...?"

"Both alive," he said, "one is conscious, just bruised, but the other is on his way to hospital in critical condition."

A crowd had gathered; it fanned out from where I and the police were standing at the door to the bus.  I've never had so much evidence that large numbers of humans actually live in suburbia.  It was like an impromptu bus stop at rush hour, with me as the first passenger, forever about to get on; behind me collected the rubber-neckers, playing weary commuters, sweating patiently in suits and briefcases.

I only had two drinks last night, over four hours, but I completely forgot to drink water.  I'm going to go cook up a greasy breakfast and engage in some gratitude.  First and foremost, that I've yet to run anybody over with my car.