I've been home for three hours which is like an eternity at the moment since the house is dark, my wife's asleep, the cats are napping, I've become allergic to television, and I've left my laptop at work so I have to surf the internet on an ancient emac in a drafty office.
The plan was to go to bed early because I've got to be at work early and I want to get to the gym before that and it behooves me to be unconscious Right Now and instead... my brain Will Not Go To Sleep.
I have read all the previously unread archives of best-of-CL. I have written twelve emails setting up partner dance dates. I have pondered deep philosophical questions and allowed myself a minor existential crisis. I have promised myself I will eat less chocolate, drink more water, and take up meditation. I have surfed all the casual encounters mw4w ads and played the take a shot of vodka every time there's an ad with that picture of that woman with breasts so huge that I seriously wonder if she tips over when she stands up game and it is often enough that I should have cirrhosis of the liver and yet somehow I am Still Awake.
Please, if there is a benevolent being running the universe, send me some sleepiness, or failing that, a drug mule trafficking some decent narcotics. If you know me and are reading this, you can also text me something outrageous. I'm up so... why not?
In the meantime, I'm off to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.
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